I think my last post had a negative tone, almost scolding... I realized that a few days ago. I've been going through more than just my painful physical deficits, my rescue cat, a sweet old girl passed away... my eleven year old dog is all of a sudden been afflicted with excruciating hip pain, stomach issues, and skin wounds due to his licking his hips and legs thinking that will help. I haven't slept a full night in at least two weeks and have an energy crisis. I'm immersed in fear at loss... I've lost so many I've loved, to death, to ego, to I don't know what. I found that I was reaching and grabbing not only to hard, but squeezing and with a negative tone and energy that isn't conducive to dialog, open or otherwise.
I want to apologize for my tone and my bad energy, believe me when I say that it wasn't out of anything but the desperation to be connected to someone and to have love in all it's forms in my life. I live a life alone, which would be alright if I had friends(close by). I live a life without kindness, or contact. I live a life of utter solitude, if it weren't for my animals I would have no contact of any kind. Losing Ingrid and now my Zion my sweet dog, one I've had for eleven years, since he was a baby is in constant pain...something I'd hoped we'd never share. So, I suppose I put it onto you to fill that void... and not kindly. I am sorry for my tone, and my content.
However, I love with a passion and am passionately trying to empassion others. I listen to NPR and hear things like Senators saying things like, "I am going to make abortion illegal even in the event of rape, because God chose to have that child born." How could anyone not have a gut, repellant reaction to something so horrifiying as that? How could we not have some kind of dialog about the abhorant nature of the act of rape and to force a woman to carry and birth a product of something so unthinkable. As a woman, I have been barraged with such enormous force during this election as to what our "true" place is in this country as it pertains to government and big business. Women have not evolved in our society. Even those of you who have been asleep and bought what you've been fed can no longer possibly deny the vast gorge between women's rights and men's. The broad sweeping statements like, "...so that women can safely miss work to care for a sick child...." should shock and offend men and women alike. What about the stay at home fathers or the single fathers or just plain ole' fathers? As a single mother, I never missed a day of work, and because of being a single mother...a woman I wasn't paid as much as my male counterparts. How do I know? I did the payroll amongst the various other responsibilities I was plied with that my male co-workers, who earned more than I, were not. But, as I was saying, not only did I not miss work, I had to work two jobs and never was able to even use my vacation time.
So, listening to where we really stand today, my hope is that there is a mass awakening in women....young, old, and in between, as well as men, all men...because you love the women in your life and can't imagine your daughter being violated, then either having to face a tribunal to determine whether or not she is allowed to have a "termination" or not even given a choice and at 15 or even 25, and forceably and legally made to carry to term and give birth to a child born of rape. Rape, not being a physical and sexual assault....but a violation so horrific that it forever changes you. It's as if a piece of your soul, your innermost, precious, sacred place has been stolen from. It extinquishes a light and makes you feel as an asexual being, in fact worse, it makes you fear or even hate one of your most precious and sacred piece of yourself. Your vagina, your womb, your lotus, the divine...the place of life, the place of the sacred feminine. As a woman your vagina, your uterus, the womb means so many things and those are as unique and deeply personal as you and your mind; thoughts and feelings. Yes, many of us heal and call ourselves survivors, and we are, we are no longer the victim, but that sacredness that feeling of security and sanctity has been permanently damaged and can never be truly whole again. Why do you think Bosnian women were subjected to rape camps and not just murdered as the men? It's because of what I just described, death is death, but true torture and the breaking of the incredibly rock hard resilience of a woman's soul is accomplished only through rape or the murder/killing of the child born of choice of a woman. With reprocussions of that nature to women, to demean the experience by defining it in the aforementioned legalese is just as grotesque as the process these politicians propose if they allow it at all.
Now you see a portion of my passion and my desperation for connection, for dialog, and for community. Please pardon the use of this ridiculous label, the world is starting to come to rest on the shoulders of our generation...Generation X. If we don't start using all this technology for good purpose, dialog, community, connection, and a catalyst for change, peril is a charitable word for our future.
So again, I humbly ask you to subscribe, to connect, and to make this a revolutionary blog, a blog of humanity and discourse. A place where we can unprogram phrases like, "different race"...and to put faces to ethnicities, minorities, and disabilities. A place where we can talk real talk and brainstorm solutions that can realistically be implemented to show that programs, legislation, and more are workable and can be pushed into government with the force of a generation.
Please, help me change this country, our country, it's a mess and on a downward spiral...if you've agreed with nothing else I've written....I think we can all agree on that!
I love you all, friend...stranger...accquaintance... you are all my brothers and sisters, because we bleed the same and we are hemmoraging. Let's not put a Band-Aid on a bullet wound as been the case for so long, lets create a bond that nothing can tear, together.
